Originally posted in the Miami News-Record on September 20, 2015
Last week I had the privilege of volunteering at the
county’s Man Up conference. This was my second time to help out with Man Up and
I gotta say….a lot has changed in two years. Now, keep in mind Paul and I have
been out of youth ministry for over a year and a half now, and our kids are not
in public school, so I guess that puts me at risk for being out of the loop
when it comes to what’s going on with young dudes these days.
My husband graduated in 1982, back when moustaches were all
the rage. You know, the moustaches I’m talking about – the ones usually worn by
the creepy guys in movies who own cameras with telescopic lenses and drive vans
with no windows. I graduated high school in 1991. Not one single guy in my
glass walked the stage on graduation night with hair on his face. The guys of
the early 90’s were more interested in the hair atop their noggins, not on
their faces. Anyone remember the re-emergence of the bowl cut? How about
shaving their jersey numbers into the sides of their heads? Oh and we can’t
talk about guy hair in the 90’s without mentioning the frosted-tips on a super
spikey, so-much-hair-gel-it-was-downright-dangerous ‘do.
Last week, if I hadn’t known I was at Man Up, I’d have sworn
I was either at a lumberjack reunion or a Duck Dynasty convention. The beards
on those boys! I was absolutely in awe of these 16 and 17 year old guys with
more facial hair than Professor Dumbledore or Abraham Lincoln. And in doing
“research” (read: I searched the Google) for this column, most men don’t really
have the ability to grow serious facial hair until they are in their mid-20’s.
So what is in the public water supply around here? Straight up testosterone
mixed with a little Propecia??
I also saw more than one man bun. If you haven’t seen one of
these things yet, Google it. Or better yet, don’t. That is one trend I do not
understand nor will I ever be able to embrace. I keep seeing these things here
and there and I just don’t get it. I recently had about six inches cut off my
own hair, so I know the value of a good messy bun day. When your hair is so
long you can’t do anything with it other than bun it, it’s time for a trim. But
if you want long hair, guys, let it hang gloriously down your back or gather it
into a neat ponytail. Please don’t wrap it up strangely on top of your head
like a little nubbin of keratin and protein and expect the vast majority of
women to compliment you. Especially here in Oklahoma. I guarantee you, you
probably can’t fit a John Deere or Realtree cap over that strange little bun so
seriously, what’s the point?
At the risk of sounding like I have found a soap box on
which to stand and shout, I will just end this with some friendly advice. As
the wife of a redneck man and the mother of a nearly 17 year old guy, I have
been in two barber shops multiple times over the last 23 years and never once
have either of my boys come out with a man bun. Nick Koronis gave Sam his first
haircut on his first birthday and over the last 17 years if Nick hasn’t been
available, Larry Linthicum has stepped up and taken care of business. My
husband has grown quite attached to Mr. Ed over the past few years as well and
in my opinion, if Mr. Ed can’t take care of your hair cutting needs, you are
entirely too high maintenance.
Keep it simple, fellas. Leave the buns to the baker.
No comments:
Post a Comment