Survivor

Kindergarten is over.

I am alive.

Yay.

Will post tomorrow.

Now, I must sleep.

A lot.

SSIS*

(* So Sorry It's Sunday)


Friday after I took my class to Music, I walked back into the classroom to find a carseat on one of the tables. It was one of those instances where you see it, but you don't really realize you see it, but you know something's out of place. Then I heard a voice from behind the desk say, "I brought you sweet tea. Nectar of the gods!" Cousin Courtney was sitting there waving a Sonic sweet tea in the air. After I GermX'd and took a slug off of it, I got Nonner from his carseat and spent the next 15 minutes just loving on that baby. Snuggling him and the sweet tea was just what I needed to make it through the rest of the day.

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Friday after school my mom called to tell me she had fixed a skirt of Ab's and a pair of shorts of Sam's and they were by the front door with a gift bag and that I needed to run by the house and grab them before I left town. The only thing I wanted to do was GO HOME and get AS FAR AWAY from that school building as I possibly could, but I figured, heck it was only a few blocks out of the way. I'm so glad I did. On the gift bag was an envelope that said TGIF. Oh heck yes, TGIF. Inside the card were words that made me cry. Inside the bag were two new pairs of earrings. I love my momma.

Of course, she always knows what to say. I sat in her driveway and cried for a few minutes before I got myself together and drove on home. Basically she said she admired my willingness to tackle new things (tackling them feebly, I feel) and that whether I realized it or not, I had impacted 30 little lives (some I want to impact more than others - by sending them to Timbuktu).

I have come to the realization that it's not the fact that there are 20 children in the classroom looking to me for direction that I hate so much. It's those two little boys who are so very, very lacking in something and so desperately in need of something that are weighing on my soul. If I deal with either of them one on one, they are sweet. They are both smart and capable of learning, but they both have some major baggage. If only the world were different..... this is exactly how I felt at DHS. There are things that need to be done, but I don't have the capabilities to put a gigantic band-aid on their little lives and make it all better.

However, I did find that hugs speak VOLUMES to those two boys. Of course, they speak to the rest of the class as well, so Friday I did a lot of hugging. Hugs from Kindergarteners are balm for the soul. Even if they do smell like poop.

And Cousin Courtney assures me that when that one little boy is under the table it's far better than him being ON the table, jumping off and he can hear me just as well under, so let him stay. She's all about flexibility and obviously I need to be as well. I heart her. I admire her. I know she can handle this class exactly the way they need to be handled and she's going to do great. As usual.

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Kady finally likes first grade.

I'm so glad. The thought of homeschooling kind of makes me nauseous right now.

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Thursday Abby and Paul both stayed home from work and school before they were both sick with the stomach bug. It was that morning that I went in to the principal and found out the process for calling in. I knew I was next to fall. Sam came home early last Monday, KD went to bed one night with a horrible tummy ache and Paul and Abby were spewing as well. It's only natural that I, Weak Immunity Girl, would be next.

Thursday I sent a boy home after he complained of a bellyache. I wasn't taking any chances. Right after that I had a talk with the whole class about throwing up and the proper place to do it. Ugh.

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Yesterday, after sleeping till 10, I tackled the mountain of laundry piled in my utility room. And the kids and I had a movie-fest, watching such classics as Save the Last Dance and That Thing You Do! Both are favorites of mine and they both make me happy. I needed a day of happy, even if it was speckled with laundry throughout.

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Last night the whole Hoover clan loaded up and headed for the county fair (anyone else humming that old Chris LeDoux song?) Actually we stopped at Sonic first for burgers, then the ATM for some cash and THEN we headed for the fairgrounds. We got there about 15 minutes before the DEMOLITION DERBY started and let me tell you, I was probably more excited than anyone else in those grandstands. I love a good derby.

(For those of you who are new to the place, I drove in one four years ago. I had a purple car with a garden gnome painted on the hood. It was also covered in flowers, bees and butterflies. It was one of the best nights of my life. Seriously. You know, after birthing my babies and getting married and all that....)

There were some awesome crashes and KD and Sam both declared that when they're old enough they're driving in one. (I really thought Ab would be all over it, too, but ya know, being nearly 12 and all, she's SO above the rest of us right now.) Of course, we'll let them. Hey, if Momma drives in one, she kind of sets a precedence. Paul and I both declared that we're going to start saving now so we can both drive next year. We've said that before, so we'll see. Seems like those pesky like bills and groceries get in the way of buying and working on derby cars.

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On the way home from the fairgrounds last night I suddenly got nauseous and dizzy and those are the symptoms of this bug going around. I also broke out in a sweat. I figured that I was a goner. I got my pj's on as soon as we got home and after I tucked my tired, sweaty, dusty kids in I collapsed onto my bed to watch Family Guy and writhe in anguish. Instead I fell asleep.

If nothing else, maybe I can just sleep off any virus that threatens to invade. As much as I'd like to not go to school this week, I really hate to puke.

And I cried

By the time yesterday rolled around I had 30 kids in my classroom. Yes, you read that right - 30. Thir-tee. We had kids all but spilling out of the windows. The tables were chock full of kids, shoulder to shoulder, and oh yes, the poop smell was even more concentrated than before.

But Teacher Next Door assured me that when the new classroom opened, things would be better. Even Cousin Courtney, whose class this actually is, assured me that all would be well (Because I call her every night after school). I had high hopes.

Oh, but they underestimated the power of Kindergarten. They are veteran teachers and I highly value their opinions, but I don't think this is your average class and therefore all assumptions and previous experience is null and void. Seriously. Or maybe I'm just a weenie.

Today it was like someone took the children, turned them feral, gave them meth and put ants in their pants. And then told them to make me cry.

'Cause they did.

I have sent them off to PE or Music at the same time every day for five days now and they've always done great. Teachers they meet along the way praise them for being so quiet and well-behaved, but today as I started the line they took off running like someone had lit their hineys on fire. By the time I caught up with them my blood was boiling and another teacher had to come help me get them all together again because I was just about to lose it all over the place. My shoulders had to be slumped as I trudged back to the classroom for 25 minutes of quiet.

I opened the door to the classroom to find Teacher Next Door, Cousin Courtney (with Nonner!) and Mrs. Coumadin waiting for me. You know how when you're not feeling well and your mom calls to check on you and you bust into tears because she's your momma and all? Well, Courtney asked if today had been better and that's when I called those children a bad name and started crying. And while it felt good to say a long-lost cuss word, it just made me cry harder knowing that I had just cussed. And had said it about a classroom full of four and five years olds at that!

Before I started this whole substituting adventure, Cousin Courtney told me that I would either come away from it loving teaching Kindergarten or hating it. I honestly thought she was overexaggerating by a long shot. Turns out, she was SO right. And turns out, I HATE IT. There is no middle ground. Middle ground is a farce. There is only insanity (loving it) or a headache and tears (hating it).

I cried for awhile in front of two relative strangers who looked somewhat uncomfortable and they all reassured me that it was normal that they kids acted like this because we had just taken ten of their friends out of the classroom, sent them across the hall and then I actually tried to, you know, TEACH THEM. It was so far out of the norm for them they didn't know how to handle it all. Big babies.

So after I dried up the tears and snuggled Nonner for a few minutes (oh my gosh, that child smells like Heaven) (Viva la Baby Magic!) I felt a little better, but ya know, my psyche was bruised, my self-esteem was shot and frankly, I was just in need of a nap and make a blankie. Maybe a teddy bear or 16, too.

The afternoon was a smidge better, but not much. Never in my life did I dream that 20 would be worse than 30. Never.

Paul and Abby stayed home from work and school today because they both have the stomach virus that is blazing a trail through the county. All I can do now is pray for diarrhea, dehydration and a hospital stay we can't afford. Go virus!

Smells like poop

Keep your mouth turned off and raise your hand if you thought that Mrs. Hoover was eaten alive by 28 adorable Kindergarteners and that's why she didn't post all weekend. Oh, no....keep your mouth turned off and just raise your hand, please. Thank you. Good job, boys and girls!

Amazing how two days of Kindergarten has turned me into a soft-speaking, question-asking, insane person who only wants you to make the right choice and therefore receive only the best consequences for your decisions. And keep your mouth quiet when we're on the rug doing calendar, dadgummit.

And I was so very tempted to tell the youth in Sunday School this morning to give themselves a hug when they were going to class.

Oy vey.

Right now, right here, I salute you, teachers. I don't know how you people DO that for a living! Don't get me wrong, I'm not utterly miserable, but at the same time I don't get any great satisfaction or gratification from it, nor do I feel like my life will be complete if I make it my career choice. (Sorry, Mom.) (She was really hoping this would be a turning-point for me.)

There were 27 on the class list as of Wednesday evening during Open House. Thursday morning one boy didn't show, but mid-morning I got two to replace him. I wasn't aware of a two-for-one deal, but evidently there was. Coumadin Man's darling wife was a lifesaver, as well as dear old Mrs. Retired Teacher, who were both full-time aides in the class with me for those harrowing first two days. With 28 four, five and six-year olds you can't do much more than crowd control and prayer. Lots of prayer.

By tomorrow there is supposed to be another classroom open and 8 of my little darlings are going adios, kinders. That will bring me down to a much less scary and hopefully more manageable 20 precious angels, some of whom have springs in their buttocks and cannot stay in a seat to save their lives.

I made the mistake of wearing my brown sandals on Thursday. Now, these brown sandals are oh-so-cute and I have had them for probably five years now, but in addition to being cute, these sandals are insanely heavy. If I were a conspiracy theorist I'd think someone had hidden gold doubloons in the soles or something. Or maybe they are secret transmitters for the CIA. Who knows. Those suckers are heavy, regardless. I didn't realize how badly my legs hurt until I got in my car to go home. After I turned the car off in the driveway I just sat for awhile because I just wasn't sure I had the ability to move any further. I made it into the house finally and began stripping off clothing (bra was right after those blasted sandals), poured myself a gigantic glass of iced tea and busied myself with my kids and Tater's tots, making sure I didn't sit down again.

By the time Tater picked up her tots I was feeling it, but trudge onward I did. I fixed dinner, cleaned it up, started the dishwasher, herded my children to the showers, read a chapter of Harry Potter to Sam and a couple of books to KD, filled out all of the forms needed for my oldest to attend Middle School, wrote down a list of the supplies she still needed, took off my makeup, tucked in my kids and collapsed into my bed before 9.

Paul came through and tossed his pillow at me. I wearily pulled the pillow off my face and said, "Honey, you do realize that we are not doing it tonight. Right?" (as if pillow-throwing was our secret sign for nookie or something) He kissed me on the forehead and said, "It's pretty bad when 28 five year olds wear you out and I don't even get a chance." Then he went to watch the Olympics, horny and alone. Bless his heart.

Friday was better because I wore the ever-so-cute J. Crew flipflops that Lori gave me during our MOM'S GETAWAY WEEKEND. Ohmahgosh, those flipflops are like walking on marshmallows. I'm seriously thinking about wearing them with socks this winter. Okay, no I'm not really, but they are amazingly comfortable. The day flew by much faster and while the springy-bottomed children were still Tiggerific, my feet felt better, therefore I handled the springiness better. Mrs. Retired Teacher insisted I leave the classroom with her and Mrs. Coumadin for a break mid-morning since I didn't leave it the day before, except to run to the restroom once. I am not a joiner, y'all know that, so I didn't stay long, but at least I mingled for a few minutes.

One revelation that did come to me mid-day on Friday was that Kindergarten smells like poop. I have three children and ya know, I don't recall them ever smelling perpetually of poopiness, but these kids do. They just tootie at will all over the place! I heard 'em do it! What the heck? Do they all eat beans for dinner? And breakfast? It boggles the mind. All I can figure is that is a concentration of poopiness that makes it so pronounced.

I called Cousin Courtney after school on Friday for some tips, hints and pointers about transitioning because these kids just fall the heck apart when we go from one activity to another. She gave me some ideas and bolstered my confidence once more and then I promptly put Kindergarten out of my mind so I could begin to enjoy my weekend.

Yesterday I enjoyed it so much I stayed in my pajamas all day. In fact, when Sam and I were chatting last night around 11, I was still in the previous night's pajamas. Please don't think less of me - I'm normally a prompt bather. I just didn't have any energy in me yesterday. The kids and I laid around and watched TV, played on the computer and napped throughout the day. My Sam had been sick the night before, up all night with the puking, so we wouldn't have accomplished much anyway.

Today was church. We were going to go fishing with one of my step-sisters, but Paul fell asleep in his recliner after lunch and wouldn't wake up (selective wakening, methinks) so the kids rested and I napped yet again. We turned our air conditioner off last week when the temps were down in the 70's and we just hate to turn it back on again even though it's 90 again, so needless to say, the house is hot. You don't want to exert too much energy anyway. It's almost like we've gone green with all the energy we're not using around here.

I'm excited about this week, though. Since the class will be smaller I will actually get to teach! I know, who knew such things went on at school? Last week, the lesson plans were modified because the other Kindergarten teacher had 28 as well and really, nothing could've been accomplished anyway. But with 20 tomorrow we will get to do phonics and math and all sorts of other teach-y, school-y things.

Now, give yourself a pat on the back and find your chair without touching your neighbor.

Say what?

I apologize for the lack of posting. I didn't realize it had been so long until after I sent a tweet telling of my ironing euphoria today I got a text from Mrs. Coach today telling me to "quit ironing.....starting blogging." Then I said I was going to post after I finished my ironing. But then I watched my soap I kind of uhm....fell asleep. Hey, it was my only day with no one in the house and it was quiet.....so very, very quiet....

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Last night was Open House at the kids' school. We stopped at Kady's room first to meet "Mrs. Glass Cow" who is actually Mrs. Glass-go, but try telling that to a phoentic 6 year old. She read it Glass-gow and it went from there.

Kady, who had been talking 400 miles a minute prior to entering the classroom, was suddenly struck mute the minute she saw the room. She couldn't bring herself to introduce herself to one new friend like the scavenger hunt said, so she just stood there while I made her mouth move and said, "Hi, my name's Kady and I feel awful silly with my mom doing this to my face." It made the kid she was introducing to laugh, but embarrassed her all to heck.

Next stop was Sam's room where we met Ms. Spencer. Abby had Mr. Dude in 4th grade so I have little experience with Ms. Spencer, but she seems great and Sam adores her already. She's heavy on science and that is right up his alley since he wants to be an astronaut (today, anyway).

After that we went to the MIDDLE SCHOOL to put Ab's locker shelf, mirror, numerous pictures of the dog, cats and siblings in her locker. Then we went to her classrooms. Her English/Reading teacher is one of the church ladies that does concessions for the auction company Mom works for, so we already knew her. Next was the science teacher who scored major points with Paul when we noticed the deer head mounted on the wall. The men stood and talked hunting for awhile and Paul walked out with a new guy crush, I think. Then it was on to social studies and it was there that I left with a girl crush because I REALLY like that woman. Finally it was math. Is it wrong that I almost had a panic attack upon entering the math room and I don't even go to school anymore? I guess math anxiety never goes away.

Abby chewed off all of her fingernails as we made the tour and looked so dang scared that I was tempted to just declare that all of my children were going to be homeschooled from 6th grade on.

Paul floated out of the school all but declaring his love for that science teacher.

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This morning we managed to get up, around, fed, primped, photographed and out the door by 7:10. The bus finally rolled up at 7:35 and I sent my babies on their way while I went back inside to send an email and slip on my shoes. I went to the school to take pictures of Kady and Sam and found Kady still in the cafeteria talking up a storm to a girl that she didn't know. I snapped a picture of her just as the first bell rang, gave her a quick hug and hurried over to the other building to snap a picture of Sam, who was sitting at a table with all girls. He was in heaven. That boy of mine is quite a playah. I wanted so badly to go across the street to the MIDDLE SCHOOL (yes, I will probably always refer to it in all caps), but I resisted that urge and walked to my van fighting tears.

Back here at home I replied to the email sent earlier, got my purse and headed to town to mail our audition tape to the production company, came back home and turned on the TV to Food Network, started some laundry and then started ironing. I now have the first seven days of school's outfits ironed and hanging in my closet. With any luck we'll be raptured before that second week.

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As we were visiting first grade last night we saw Mrs. Weece across the hall. She asked if I was ready for Kindergarten and I said, "Yeah, I think so!" She then asked if I knew how many kids I was going to have. I said, "Yeah, Courtney said about 19 or 20." She pressed her lips together and did a polite "mmhmm" and I knew that was not a good sign. I said, "Okay, what do you know that I don't?" She replied, "I'm not at liberty to say...."

I could not wait to get in the van to call Courtney. I asked her how many kids I was supposed to have and that I knew something was up and she said, "Oh. Okay. Uhm. You still love me, right?"

There are 27 children in my classroom.

The other Kindergarten teacher has 28.

Thankfully, the school knows that this is not a good thing and is in the process of setting up another classroom and hiring another teacher, but the earliest that could happen would be Monday. These first two days are going to be nothing more than crowd control. Courtney has no expectations for me and for that I am so very thankful.

I went to Open House tonight and met 18 of the kids. I'm nervous, but the absolute, sheer, all-consuming panic is gone now. I think the exhaustion is masking the anxiety now. I have oodles of people praying for me tomorrow and if you'd like to join in the party, feel free. I can use all the help I can get.

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I have found that over the course of my parenting career I have said things I never thought I would say. Things like, "Don't paint the cat" and "Your sister is NOT a trampoline!" and various other odd things.

But tonight I asked the question, "Honey, why do you have Dove chocolate in your underwear?"

This question came after Kady came flying into the church kitchen with a look of horror/ confusion/panic/terror and sheet unadulterated FREAKOUT on her face. She threw her arms around me and said, "MOMMA, TAKE ME HOME NOW!!" I said, "Kady, honey, what's wrong?" expecting a scraped knee or some other injury. I never expected my youngest child to pull the waistband of her skirt out and show me a big smeary heap of chocolate in her underpants.

My initial thought was, "Ohmygosh, diarrhea" and the thought following that was, "If it's all the way up front, how bad does the back look?" But she allayed my poopy fears when she bawled, "It's Dove chocwet! Pops gave me a Dove chocwet and I didn't have any pockets!"

Ah. Motherhood.

Squeak squeaker squeak squeaken

This last week I've had Tater's tots and two days I had my Cousin Courtney's new! precious! baby (whom we lovingly call "Nonner"), so do I really need to say what kind of condition my house was in by week's end? Nah. Didn't think so.

Today we cleaned house. My family hates me. The kids have threatened to run away and Paul hadn't been home 20 minutes before he said he wished he'd stayed at work. Oh well. I am going to be working for the next 2 1/2 weeks, working an exhausting job and frankly, I'm out of practice with the whole working thing. I knew I had to get it in order before Thursday when I start working because I go right from subbing Kindergarten straight into babysitting Nonner for the rest of forever. Or at least until he goes to Kindergarten himself.

Yes, that's right. I've given up the glamorous life of gonna-be-a-substitute teacher to the heavenly life of staying home and babysitting. Be it known, I have no intentions of starting up Diva Daycare like I did before because frankly, that was insane, for one thing, my husband threatened me within an inch of my life, and for another, I don't want to. Babysitting one child still leaves me open to go to my kids' school when I need to, leaves me open to going to Walmart or wherever else I need to go during the day and also leaves me here. Where I want to be. Here. As in, IN MY HOME.

I am happy.

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Yesterday morning we went down to the school to get Ab's schedule and let her run through it.

Glory be, she has a top locker. She had already planned on pouting long and hard if she, one of the tallest in her class, had a bottom locker. She has one class in the Sr. High and it's first hour so she gets it out of the way right off the bat. The rest of the day she's in the very small, very tiny, very compact Middle School. Yay.

We bought her a shelf and mirror for her locker and we're still on the lookout for some skulls to decorate it. When she opened it and saw that last year's occupant had a rather rabid affection for pastel flowers, she turned to me and said, "Oh yeah. Those are SO going. Every one of those nasty girly things are going bye-bye."

I love that kid.

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Yesterday I dropped KD and Sam off with their daddy at the casino when he got off work and Abby and I headed to Joplin to do her school clothes shopping.

We had a great time and twice - TWICE! - she slipped her hand in mine as we were walking down the mall. I will totally cherish those two moments forever because she's growing up. Fast. Next year I may be lucky to get to walk within 50 feet of her down the mall.

She is a crazy bargain shopper. I feel like The Force is strong with that one for sure. That kid knows how to spot a clearance rack from 500yds out. I swear she can smell a sale. She had her heart set on some "boots with the fur" (and yes, she actually calls them that, which is hilarious) and found a pair, but they were about a half-size too small. Bless her heart, I thought she was gonna cry. I keep telling her that it's not like it's going to snow any time soon, but she's talked about those boots all day long with a wistful look in her eyes.

We ate at Garfield's and my formerly picky daughter ordered a steak. After about the second bite she sighed contentedly and said, "Mom, no offense, but this is better than even your steak. I think I have found a new favorite place to eat."

So long, Olive Garden!

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Phone interviewed with production company this past week.

Asked to make an audition tape.

Making audition tape tomorrow.

Priority overnighting said tape first of the week.

Fingers already crossed.

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My family just put in The Princess Bride and I hope they forgive me enough to let me sit in the same room with them while we watch it.

And this is where she breathes a contented sigh of contentedness (Oh yeah, it's also the 1000th post)

Okay, so yeah, I said that the 1000th post would include a podcast, but ya know...I'm a big fat liar. Y'all should know that by now. Quit expecting so much from me!

So Lori and I took off for Shawnee yesterday afternoon, she from Texas and me from NE Oklahoma. I drove Pops' Prius hybrid and oh my GOSH it's like driving a TOY! It's a wonder I didn't have a wreck because I was so enamored by the computer screen which showed my wheels a-spinnin' and whether I was using the cute little electric battery or the engine. I used a whole 5 gallons of gas down here. I am going to seriously look into buying one of those suckers.

It was roughly 500 degrees when we got here, so we chilled out in the room for awhile (La Quinta. Spanish for "It's hotter'n heck outside.") and around 7 headed out for dinner at Chili's. I was a Chili's virgin until last night. After food and conversation we went directly to check out the local Dollar Tree which was two minutes shy of closing. We made sure we remembered where it was and then headed to the Sac and Fox casino. I swear to you, I thought Lori was gonna need smelling salts before we got all the way in. I guess those Texas indians don't know how to casino like we Oklahoma indians do. We played a little, but we were both road weary and headed back to the room. (La Quinta. Spanish for "OMG there are no husbands or kids here!")

We watched Sleepless in Seattle and talked and laughed and shared pictures of the kids. There was no conquering of the world because we both literally just decompressed and took advantage of not having to take care of anyone, break up any fights, or do anything remotely motherly. Before we knew it, it was 3am and while there was still conversation in us both, our eyes would no longer focus and we crashed.

That 8am alarm went off so we could wake up our husbands and then? Then we laid around the motel room until 4 this afternoon. I KNOW! We watched True Lies and Without a Paddle and again, did the chatting and laughing and the sharing of kid pictures and family stories and wow....that was just nice.

When we finally emerged from the Bat Cave this afternoon (La Quinta. Spanish for "Bat Cave.")we headed STRAIGHT for the Dollar Tree. Omg, the Dollar Tree here has a COOLER. Like, to hold cool things! We have so got to get one of those in Miami! After that we drove around.......and around........and around......looking for some place to eat. We kind of wanted Mexican, but the places looked kind of dive-y and and we weren't sure we wanted to go out on a limb that far away from home. We settled on Cracker Barrel then found our way to the Fire Lake Grand casino where I proceded to lose my hiney and she didn't. But I still love her.

We stopped at Sonic on the way back to the motel (La Quinta. Spanish for "Wow. 3am was a bad choice of a bedtime.") for ice cream and sweet tea and now we are watching Van Wilder somethingsomethingblahblahblah. We're both really missing our husbands and kids and decided that if we weren't so dang tired we'd leave for home tonight. Sissies, we are. However, we've decided that it won't be too long before we drag our husbands to Norman (closer to halfway AND yes, there's another big casino, we think) for a couple's weekend. Yay!

So while I disappointed y'all with the lack of podcast, please know that my mental state of mind is much more centered and calm. Sometimes it just takes a short vacation to get you back on track.

But here's what I'd like from you. Please, please, PLEASE come out of the woodwork and comment to this, my 1000th post. Tell me your favorite thing about my blog (yeah, I am gratuitously asking you to stroke my ego), how long you've been reading me, how you found me, heck, tell me anything. Anything!

And really.....thank you so much for making these last four years, these last 1000 posts incredibly awesome. I appreciate every time you visit and you make me insanely happy when you comment or when you spot me in Walmart* (Yes, Sixty, I am aware of the new logo and no, I'm not happy about it. Why do things have to change??? WHY?) and I immensely enjoy it when you freak my mother out by saying how much you love my blog.

I love you all. Seriously.

Tired, excited and perpertually red in the neck

Yesterday I met Cousin Courtney at her classroom so she could scare the bejeebies outta me show me around, familiarize me with her lessons plans (which are absolutely amazing, by the way) and give me a crash course in being a Kindergarten teacher. I felt completely overwhelmed at first, but the more we went over things the more relaxed I got. I realized that uhm, they are five year olds and Kindergarten is not an exact science. Therefore, I am going to have fun, follow the lesson plans to the best of my ability and pray daily that I don't get headlice.

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A few years ago, out of the blue, I was contacted by a producer from ABC's Wife Swap, asking if we'd be interested in applying for the show. Of course, we were interested because uhm....well, duh, it's TV and well, yeah, it's TV.

My mom was ultimately relieved, yet somewhat skeptical that we were found to be not trashy enough nor normal enough for the show. You can't be middle-of-the-road for that show.

Wednesday I got an email from a different network, again informing us of casting for a show. I ran it past family members and got the go-ahead (it will involve not just my immediate rednecks, but the entire clan of us) so the email has been replied to, pictures have been sent and now we wait.

Who'da thunk that being a redneck would spawn so many TV opportunities?

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Last night I was one of THOSE parents and took my kids to Wal*Mart around 9:30. We left after 11. Best trip to Wal*Mart in a long time - because they were exhausted and didn't have it in them to fuss with each other. They were too tired to even whine, bless their hearts.

Ab has had her heart set on some strapless glittery black heels for awhile now. She almost got them a few weeks ago, but was mean and nasty to her brother before we left the store and her daddy made her put them back. She's done some semi-babysitting for me this week, so I gave her $15 and she made a beeline for those shoes. Thankfully I made her walk down the aisle and back for me! As my Papa used to say, she walked like a frozen-toed chicken. Bless her heart. I don't think heels are in her near future, no matter how much she wants them to be.

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Tomorrow is the day. MOM'S GETAWAY WEEKEND WITH LORI!!!!!!!!! This being my 999th post, guess what that means?? It's means PODCAST FOR THE 1000TH POST!

You are so welcome.

We'll record it some time tomorrow night or early Saturday and get it posted as soon as I get it converted and ready to go. Keep checking back! Since this is the 999th post, there will be no more posts until the podcast is ready. Be strong, little ones. I shan't be gone long.

Shawnee, OK, get ready. Invasion of the stay-at-home blogger mommies is about to commence. Okay, well, invasion by two of us, anyway.