Let's talk about sex, baby

A fellow mom-to-a-pre-teen and I were discussing cell phones and cell phone usage amongst the pre-teens we know. She mentioned that she knew of two 11 year olds that had texted some inappropriate things to each other. As I was discussing our conversation with Paul later I just said, "a certain three-letter word" and didn't say what that three-letter word was. My 11 year old doesn't hear most of the things we say unless, of course, we are talking about things we don't want her to hear, so naturally I found her in the hallway, listening to the conversation. I didn't make a big deal about it and ran her off, the conversation ended and I went about my business.

Later I was on the couch and she curled up next to me, slid her hand into mine and said, "Mom, I know who you were talking about to Mrs. Suzy's Mom earlier." Since Mrs. Suzy's Mom hadn't named names, of course I was curious to see who the kids were. I said, "Oh really. How do you know that?" Now, keep in mind I was hoping that her information was coming through tween gossip only and not from first-hand experience. Given that she doesn't have a cell phone I really didn't think it was her, but I guess stranger things have happened.

She took a deep breath and said, "It was [name withheld to protect what innocent he has left, God bless him]." Having said that sentence, she let out her breath and looked at me quite nervously. I said, "Well, how do you know it was him?"

"Mom, he says ass all the time."

I hugged her so tight and said, "Well, those three-letter words can get you in trouble, huh? Is that the only bad three-letter word you know?"

She nodded.

And I remembered to breathe.

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From a conversation I heard last week:

"Well, I hear that sex is like riding a bike and if that's the case......girls, when I get the chance I'm gonna get on there and pedal just as fast as I possibly can."

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Since I quit school in December I have been working quite hard to restore my mojo and let me tell you, a year without a mojo is a rough year indeed. It's been especially hard on my husband. Bless his heart, that man has a lot of patience. So I've been making a real serious effort to not have a headache come bedtime and to not whine that "5:30 comes early, big boy, so hurry things along, will ya?" I mean, people, I'm really trying.

Saturday night Paul and I dropped the kids off at Mom's so we could go see 10,000 B.C. (have I mentioned that we both loved it?) Since Paul works on Sunday we don't get to stay out late on Saturdays anymore, so we were going to see the early show, pick up the kids and go home. Well, then I remembered I needed to pick up a few things at Wal*Mart, so I asked him to swing by there before we got the kids. Immediately, he looked at his watch, sighed and said, "Yeah, but we need to hurry." It was fairly early, so I questioned his speeding through the downtown like that hot blonde guy from The Fast and the Furious. He said, "I don't want it to get too late. You know......" and shot me a sidelong glance.

I laughed and said, "Oh, honey, don't worry about it. Tonight I'm a sure thing."

"You are?" He asked it so incredulously that I was almost offended, but instead I laughed again and said, "Hon, lately you have been so absolutely sweet to me that I am more than happy to oblige, if you know what I mean."

This time he laughed and said, "Well, it's about time."

I said, "Dear, marriage is a give and take. You've given, so..... you know.....you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours."

He was quiet while he continued navigating his way toward Wal*Mart, then suddenly he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him. He'll do that occasionally to kiss me on top of the head and has done that since we were dating, but instead of leaning over to kiss me....

He scratched my back.