When you're sliding into home...

Ugh. I got sent home from work today. Not because I'm a bad employee, but because I'm a germy one.

Abby didn't go to school today because she had The Diarrhea (She would die a thousand deaths if she knew that I'd just announced the state of her intestines this morning to the entire World Wide Web, so don't tell her, 'kay?). When I tucked her in last night she said her stomach was rolling and cramping and considering Tots One and Two were out of school yesterday, I figured it was her turn. Yep, this morning, it was official - she had The Diarrhea.

Ever noticed how it's not, "I have diarrhea"? No, it's, "I have The Diarrhea." I always feel like when someone says they have The Diarrhea, the phrase should be followed by a dramatic "duh duh DUMMMMMMM." Like my papa used to say, "He's got The Gout," or "She come down with The Shingles,"not just plain gout or shingles, mind you, but The Gout and The Shingles. Bad stuff The Gout. And The Diarrhea. Duh duh DUMMMMM...

Looks like I have a case of The Digression.

Annnyway, Mom offered to take Abby with her for the day so I could go to work, then work, then class. I got around, got four of the kids off to school, sent Abby and some Imodium with Mom and finished getting ready for work. By the time I left I was feeling kinda, ya know, upset. Just kind of a roll-y, ache-y feeling in my guts. But forge on, did I, because I had not only one work to go to today, but two. Plus Macro.

About halfway to town my head started pounding and the rolling in my guts was accompanied by a feeling like I wanted to hurl up everything I'd eaten for the past month. I got to work, telling myself that some Tylenol and a Coke would fix me right up, but instead I dumped my purse on my desk and ran straight to the bathroom. Ugh. I went back to my desk after purging from every available orifice and took two Tylenol. Then I laid my head against the back of my chair and closed my eyes and waited for the Grim Reaper.

A caseworker walked by and asked if I was meditating. My grunt in reply was enough to make her come back and ask if I was okay. When I told her I wasn't feeling too hot, you should've seen that woman do a quick backstep away from me. Bless her heart, I don't even think she realized she reacted as if I'd just hollered, "Unclean! Unclean!" like a leper back in Bible days. She told me to go home, told me our supervisor (who was in a meeting) wouldn't mind and said, "Honey, as bad as you look, no one is going to ask you to do anything anyway. Just go home." So I did.

I texted Paul as I was leaving the parking lot to tell him I was going home for the day. He replied with, "U got the shits?" He's so eloquent, that man of mine. I replied, "Yah Gonna barf 2. Anything else u would like to know?" He didn't reply to that one. He was sympathetic, I was sure, considering that last weekend he had to call his boss from the toilet at work because he literally couldn't get off of it. Yeah, this is one fun bug. I called Mom and told her I was going home and that's when she announced that she wasn't feeling real great either and thought she was going to lie down for awhile. I offered to come get Abby, but she said she was fine and to just go home and go to bed. So I did.

I slept pretty much the rest of the day. I woke up long enough to watch about 45 minutes of All My Children, but considering I haven't watched it in weeks, I didn't have a clue what was going on and why is Annie's brother so sinister anyway? And when did this JR/Greenlee possible WonderTwin force thing come about? I need TiVo.

I woke up about 30 minutes before Paul got home, ate some Cheetos and thought about working on my Lit test, but the couch looked so inviting I just laid there watching The Barefoot Contessa. I think. It may have been something else. I wasn't all that coherent. It was a bleu cheese souffle, whoever made it. By the time the kids got off the bus, Mom and Abby were here, we loaded some boxes in Mom's car, I fixed Paul and her a sandwich and they left because - as if a rampant intestinal virus running through the family like wildfire isn't enough - the new owners of Tater's Farmette take possession tomorrow and Tater's still not completely moved out quite yet.

God bless Tater's soul, she brought out dinner for the kids and I on one of her trips back or forth from town. I was so hungry by then, but now I'm totally regretting eating. My stomach's rolling, I have indigestion worse than when I was 8 months pregnant and I just want to go to bed.

I missed my Macro class tonight. Hmh. The Diarrhea was kind of worth it.