Two guys walk into a bar

And I wish I was walking in with them.


(rimshot)


Annnnyhoo....being the moody psychopath I am these days, I'm going to be happy tonight. Even if it kills me.


Isn't it funny how one R/C monster truck and one R/C helicopter can make three kids insanely happy? The truck is old and I bought the helicopter at an auction on Saturday for $3. Paul was so mad at me for bidding on that thing, but I have totally gotten my $3 out of it already.


The place up the road had the auction Saturday and we went up mainly because, hey there was an auction in the neighborhood and what redneck can pass up the opportunity to buy other people's used stuff? Well, certainly not us, by cracky.


I spent $29, $15 of which was for a quilt for Paul. The rest was pure, unadulterated crap. And I was ecstatic. For $14 we got:


*an Operation: Brain Surgery Game which is just creepy. It's just disturbing to watch your kids dig around on a plastic head. Especially when the head talks.


* a game of Fib Finder, which has a crazy-annoying plastic device that apparently can detect fibbing in elementary school children. I've heard such questions as, "Do you pick your nose?", "Do you stick your fingers in the peanut butter jar?" and to both of those I hollered into the other room, "YOU BETTER NOT!"


* a leopard print choo-choo bag that I just love and now I need to plan a trip to go somewhere so I can walk into my motel carrying that adorable thing.


* a microscope. I didn't know that was in the box. I got a box of crap and a kids' rolling suitcase for $3 and the microscope was in the box. So far, I haven't had the energy or patience to get it out and let the kids play with it. Maybe in.....oh.....2009?


* one of those girly-girl craft kits to make - get this, all you girls of the 90's - SLAP BRACELETS! They outlawed those suckers in my high school because we kept beating the snot out of each other. Good times, good times.


* a game called "Careers" which looks like it's from about 1965. The kids haven't even touched it. They're non-motivated about their futures, just like their mother.


* the aforementioned rolling suitcase. And like a true auction goldmine, it had (drum roll) ANOTHER SUITCASE INSIDE!! We have got to plan a trip! All this luggage is just beckoning to be used.


* a ficus. For Festivus. Because we've talked of getting a Festivus Ficus for a year or two, but never did. Well, Saturday I just went and did it. Here's the best part - I bid on the Ficus and another potted tree thing that I totallly didn't want, but they came together. Later on in the morning, a woman offered me $2 for the potted tree. And I only gave a buck for both of 'em!! AND I didn't have to throw away the potted tree. Bonus!


* a MyScene Barbie styling head. I gave a buck for that thing and it kept Kady occupied for the rest of the day. We had been losing her all morning and after I got her that goofy head, she stayed put. Best buck I spent all day.


* a jar of marbles. Because I lost mine. (rimshot)

* a box that had 3 Bibles and two 3-ring binders in it. The choo-choo bag was in it. Mom took all that to sell in the flea market.


I bid on a 5-foot tall, light-up plastic Santa, much to the chagrin of my husband. I had my heart set on that gaudy thing, even moreso the more Paul griped about it. Unfortunately, a guy outbid me and got my Santa AND a saddle rack for the low, low price of $16. I'd have gone higher, except Paul kept kicking me and frankly, that hurt. So because of that, I bought a Frito pie from the concession stand. The chili had beans in it. Revenge is sweet.