Living vicariously through California teens

I woke up this morning with a headache. I used to get headaches all the time, but now I don't. I started having migraines when I was 14 and yes, they're really migraines. I hate it when people say they have a migraine when it's really just A Bad Headache. Anyway, back when I was a teen, my migraines were of course, preempted by floaters, then I would totally lose vision for anywhere from 10-60 seconds, then BOOM, crushing headache that led to vomiting and utter willingness to continue living.

Then, when Paul's and my marriage was particularly shitty, like back in 1999/2000, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. It was entirely stress-related/induced. I took meds for it for awhile - the meds probably should've been Xanax, but that's neither here nor there.

In the years since, I have gotten a handle on my headaches. So much so, that if I get a headache I really sit up and take notice because it happens so rarely. I can't even use the age-old womanly excuse when he starts doing the Ass Rub of Doom. He knows I don't get headaches when it would be convenient, dammit.

But this morning, the second I opened my eyes, I was aware of pain. In my head. I managed to get up and fix Sam some toast, pop some ibuprofen, pour Kady a cup of milk and stick it in the fridge for when she finally woke up, toss a pop-tart on the counter within her reach and then I collapsed onto the couch. I watched some Discovery Kids with Sam, chatted briefly with Cap'n, then decided that the laptop wasn't helping the headache. Neither was sunlight, the television or breathing. So being the most awesomest mother that I am, I told Sam to wake me up at 11, ya know, if I fall asleep or something. He patted me on the leg and said, "Sure, Mom. Can I snuggle with you while you, you know, might fall asleep?" I pulled the blanket open, he crawled in and I was out.

That Mother Of The Year medal is going to look great on my prison jumpsuit.

At 10:30, my headache woke me up. Up to that point, it was Just A Bad Headache, but when I opened my eyes that time I had That Feeling - the feeling like I'm trying to not cry. Kind of a burning sensation, I guess. That Feeling means "Migraine is coming, boys! Circle the wagons, make sure your powder is dry and hide the women and young'uns!"

I fixed the kids lunch, popped more ibuprofen, then got the kids sprayed down with sunscreen, gave them the speech about strangers at the very crowded public pool that is scary and .... scary. And as soon as Bub picked the kids up to take them to the very crowded public scary pool, I laid down on the couch in my very dark, quiet house and slept until 4:00. I felt like I had just gotten away with TPing the principal's house and no one knew it was me. A 3 hour uninterrupted, totally quiet nap in the middle of a summer day? Let me tell you, this unemployed thing isn't a bad schtick if you can get past the lack of money and stuff.

Then this evening I started itching all over. Paul, of course, made a comment about "crotch critters," but the only thing I could think of was that Pityriasis rosea, The Rash To End All Rashes that is currently making my eldest look not unlike a leper, generally hits people between the ages of 10 and 35. I'm 34. Paul is old and therefore exempt. Kady and Sam are supposedly safe from the Rash To End All Rashes, too. But I will now live in fear that I have contracted it from my oldest daughter. Because I have OCD.

I might be a hypochondriac, too.

I haven't been tired all evening because ya know, I slept this afternoon almost as much as I do in an entire normal night, so because of the itching I took 2 Benadryl. They usually knock me out colder'n a wedge and that's what I was going for, but nope, instead they have just made me unable to remove the laptop from my lap - partly because I feel half-drunk and partly because I am now on week 8 of the Prom Queen series on MySpace.

(Warning: Do NOT start watching them unless you are unemployed and can devote many pathetic hours of your life to watching every second of them. You've been warned.)

Why am I watching Prom Queen on MySpace?

Why did the guy climb Mt. Everest?

Because he woke up one Thursday morning with a headache, slept all day, then got borderline wasted on over-the-counter antihistamines.

That's why.