Wheezing all the way to the dentist's office

I never did come down the real live, full fledged flu. Instead, I was chosen to be the host of a vile band of gypsy germs that lives in one's chest and causes one to wheeze like that dog on the old Saturday morning cartoons....what was that dog's name......yeah, Muttley (thank you, Google). This band of germs also causes one to wish for death almost hourly.

The other night, Paul and I were lying in bed, spooning and talking about the kids and how if they don't stop fighting I will gnaw my left arm off, when all of the sudden he stopped and said, "Shhhh.....be quiet. What is that noise?" I listened, then realized what it was. I said, "Oh, sorry. That's just me breathing. I'll try to be quieter. And honey, do you think your insurance will cover an iron lung? Because I may need one."

Today I had a doctor's appointment to follow up on the labwork they did back in August when I found out that I have Factor V Leiden. I figure, if they haven't called me since August, that the results must've been okay. Sure enough, she said that my blood clotted as normally as blood can clot, that I was straight in the middle of the therapeutic level. So that was good. After getting that news, I said, "And while I'm here...." She didn't even look up from my chart, she just said, "Yeah, we're going to fix that wheezing thing you're doing. I can hear you all the way over there." So I'm now on 1000mg of amoxicillin twice a day for 10 days. I really wanted a steroid and an iron lung to go with it, but she assured me that the antibiotic would do it. Me, I'm not so convinced, I think it's viral, but I guess since I'm just a lowly Mass Communcations major in junior college and not a doctor, I have to trust her.

My doctor's appointment was at 11 and at 1 I had an appointment in the dental clinic out there at Indian Health Services. I haven't been to a dentist since I was 5 months pregnant with Sam. Yeah. He's 8 now. I just really don't like going to the dentist. My excuse has been that the dentist I'd seen my whole life, retired. Plus, I don't have dental insurance and the indians here haven't treated adults until just recently. I have one filling in my head and I got it when I was 7. In the past few months, that tooth has decided that occasionally I should not be allowed to enjoy hot or cold foods and therefore grabs me by the proverbial nutsack and twiiiiiiists. Granted, I have no nutsack, but if I did and it was in my tooth, I bet that's what it would feel like.

Now, I'm not a dental student, just a Mass Comm. major, but I thought that the term "occlusion" meant the lining up of the teeth. At least, that's what I understood from hearing the kids' orthodontist speak jargon to his assistants. I looked it up online and yeah, that's what it is. But for some reason, today, everytime she spoke the word "occlusion" she meant "YOU VILE, VILE WOMAN, YOU HAVE YET ANOTHER CAVITY." She said the word "occlusion" 9 times, just for the record. This vile, vile woman has 9 cavities in her vile, vile mouth. I was devastated. I have no one to blame but myself and my fear and loathing of dental offices in general.

It made me feel better when she told me that two of the cavities are very small divots and she can probably buff them out, rather than fill them. ("Get out the Turtle Wax, honey! We're goin' to the dentist!") And one of the cavities is actually just the old filling that she's going to replace and make all pretty and white. All but one of the rest are small and nothing major, but that one is a real doozy she said. Yay. She asked me if I wanted to get them taken care of in more appointments or less appointments. I said, "Can you just shoot me in the head right now and get it over with?" She found me witty and charming, even if I am vile and full of decay. I chose the less appointments option and she sent me on my way with these parting words, "And we will be discussing gum health at your cleaning." Not only are my teeth vile, but so are my gums.

I go back in March for a cleaning and then 3 days later get half of my fillings. I hope I'm out of the iron lung by then - it might be hard for her to work around.