Pretty drunk is drunk pretty

There isn't a font big enough or enough exclamation points to express the amount of fun I had last night. To give you a hint just how much fun was had, at about 8:30, after beer #4 I sent this text message to my husband's cell phone: "WE ARE PRETTY!!!!!" And his reply to my cell phone was: "Really? I bet you're Budweiser pretty, aren't you?" For the record, it was Bud Light.

Tammy almost had me talked into wearing shorts, but I chickened out because I really just don't wear shorts in public anymore. So I bought some new capris. And I didn't realize until I was loading up my pockets before we left that there were zippered pockets all over those things; enough to rival Michael Jackson back in the 80's. Tammy said if I started moonwalking she was going to worry. But talk about handy! I had money and ID in one top pocket, more money in another, keys and cell phone in one lower pocket and cigarettes and sunglasses clip in the other. I decided against tennis shoes because it was hot, but it didn't take me long to regret the flip flops. Before we even made it through the gate my feet were black with dirt and the stone bruise on the bottom of my left foot today is not pleasant. Next time I will definitely wear tennis shoes. I'm too old to wear unsensible shoes.

We ate in the casino first, then played some slots and blackjack before we headed out into the Oklahoma heat to stand in a hayfield for 45 minutes then wait another hour and 15 minutes for the concert to start. We literally stood in the middle of the hayfield, in the blazing 94 degree heat, the line bending past the fenceline into an "L", and we wondered if were not the biggest idiots on the planet. Well, along with our other few thousand idiot friends standing there with us. At one point I offered Tammy $35, the price of our tickets, to just walk away with me and forget we'd ever been there.

We made it through the gate, found a spot about halfway back, right next to a beer tent (how convenient) and sat down to enjoy the heat. We had a perfect view of the stage and figured we'd done a good job finding a spot. Until the fumes from the generator rumbling away next to us got a little annoying. Thankfully, around the time we decided that the fumes weren't going to add to our experience, my friend Melissa called and said there was a space right in front of them for two chairs. And WAY closer. So we hightailed it up there. It was further from the beer tent, but way closer to the stage, so it was an okay move.

We sat and baked and drank our bottles of water like good, responsible adults and watched the people until about 10 till 8 and then it was like our brains meshed and we looked at each other and said, "We need beer." And it was on. A friend of Tammy's gave us each a beer then we bought a six-pack to share, then he gave her one more before we went back to our seats. About 30 minutes into Eric Church we were bordering on cute and by the time The Wreckers started we were full-fledge PRETTY. And while The Wreckers were great and they sounded awesome, we were both just drunk enough that I felt the need for a nap. We decided to mingle. We ended up snagging another free beer from her friend and I bought another six-pack and some water. We made it back to our seats well before Brad Paisley came on stage.

And then we danced and screamed and called people and held our phones up and danced and hollered and giggled. They tossed out a big huge yellow smiley-face ball and it made its way all over the crowd. And hit Tammy on the ass. I did my classic volleyball move and when it came at me I put my hands over my head and ducked and squealed. Once Tammy just busted out laughing and when I tore myself away from the screaming and dancing I was doing looked at her to see what was so funny. The big yellow ball had landed in her lawn chair and had been sitting there for who knows how long. We got so tickled we couldn't get it back up into the air for a few minutes. The people behind us were laughing so hard they were doubled over. Then later when he sang "The World" they tossed out a gigantic globe ball and it came at us from behind and bonked me on the head. I was so "pretty" then that I'm surprised it didn't knock me over.

You know times have changed when during the slow songs people don't hold up their lighters anymore, but instead hold up their cell phones. And there's nothing more touching and emotional than seeing a hayfield full of drunk rednecks holding up their cell phones during a song about going to Heaven.

By the time the concert was over, my "prettiness" was wearing off, but not enough that I wasn't goofy and clumsy and giggly. Tater met us outside the casino to make sure we weren't too drunk to go in and then get kicked out by Security, aka my husband. We ate some cheese sticks because what goes better than 8 or 10 beers on your stomach than some fried cheese? Then we decided to go home. Tater was disappointed, but the cheese sticks that I forced Tammy to eat because I thought it would make her feel better, actually just made her feel worse. My bad.

But the Lynyrd Skynyrd concert is coming up in September and Tammy, I promise I won't make you eat fried cheese unless you really want to.