Yesterday we were sitting on the carport at my aunt and uncle's swatting flies and eating lunch - two things that really aren't meant to go together in my book, by the way - and the kids were hot and tired and really just weren't that into their food. Kady asked if she had to finish her hot dog and I told her she could just eat the weiner and leave the bun. It was a grilled hot dog, which meant it had some black on it. Well, she was sitting there all prim and proper, swinging her legs that were hooked together at the ankles, holding the hot dog in between her thumb and forefinger, nibbling away at it. Suddenly she stopped and inspected her hot dog closely then turned to me and said, "You know.....dis wooks just wike one of Jake's tuwds," and went back to eating. Tater just about choked on her potato salad.
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Last week, RJ left me a link in the comments about some medical alert bracelets. Some are very expensive, like $900 expensive, but some are very pretty and very reasonable. I sent the link to Mom and Tater and this is what I got back from Mom:
"Have you lost your mind? I was planning on paying about $10 - $15. Or better yet I could just write it on my wrist with a permanent marker."
She might be onto something - if I go on Coumadin therapy that's how I'll be getting all of my tattoos from now on.
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Saturday morning the kids and I sat down and started making a list of what we wanted to get from the fireworks stand. For five years this was their daddy's task, but last year and this year it has fallen to me and I hate it. I love my kids, but I hate going to the fireworks stand.
The usuals were on our list: pop-its, sparklers (or "spwinkwers" as Kady calls them), tanks, Roman candles, etc. Sam thought a little bit more and said, "OOH! Ooh! Mom? Can we get some bottle rockets?" I nodded and wrote them down on the list. Then he asked, "Mom, would you drink a beer for me?" I snapped my head up and said, "Huh??" He said, "Daddy always drinks a beer for us so we can shoot off our bottle rockets." I patted his arm and said, "Son, after the family get-together this afternoon I will need to drink enough beer that you guys can shoot off six at a time."
Later at the fireworks stand we were being helped by a very helpful gal from the Apostolic Assembly church's youth group. She was so sweet and very good with the kids. We were starting on the night works when Sam said, "Mom, don't forget the bottle rockets!" The girl turned around fast and said, "Oh honey, bottle rockets are illegal in Oklahoma!" Sam said, "Really? Well, Mom, how did we shoot them off last year?" I slapped him on the arm and said, "Son! We didn't shoot off bottle rockets last year! Those things are illegal!" The look on his face was pure confusion as he opened his mouth to argue and I'm sure Mommy's promise of consumption of a six-pack would've entered into play. I squeezed his arm and said, "Durn that father of yours! Letting my kids shoot off illegal bottle rockets in Oklahoma....oh, don't think I won't be having a talk with him..." And I stepped on my son's toe while I said it. He shut right up. No one ever said my son wasn't smart. Or scared of me.
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Now, y'all know I love my Nana dearly. I've written about her a few times on here. She and I have always been close and I do love her to pieces. But yesterday Tater and I decided that she is playing her Old Lady card a little too much. She's using her age and the fact that she's now in a nursing home to play us all and get away with shit. Oh, she's good, alright.
We were in the kitchen yesterday at the family shindig, all of us ladies kind of milling around doing various tasks. Everyone had been filling dessert plates and I had fixed Nana some of the torte Tater and I had made. She was sitting at the table eating it when she started kind of moaning. Tater turned and asked if she was okay. She told her that her back was hurting because the back of the chair was wooden. Nana has no fat on her body. Seriously. She weighs all of 86 pounds. Naturally, bone on wood isn't a pleasant feeling. I had been washing a serving spoon and turned around to them while I was drying it. Tater offered to get her a pillow, but she didn't want that. She just moaned some more and said, "I just don't have any padding anymore." Tater patted her on the arm and said, "Well, Nan if you need some padding I have plenty I could donate." Nana shook her head and pointed at me over by the sink and said, "No, I think Kristin has more that I could use."
Tater shot a look at me and I busied myself with an imaginary spot of water on the serving spoon. I bit my lip - not to keep from crying but to keep myself from busting out laughing at the look on Tater's face. Nan was going to keep pursuing it, too. She really wanted to. But my darling sister saved me from another insult by producing a pillow out of thin air and proceded to stuff it behind Nan's back and distract her from my fat.
I sure love that Tater. And it's a good thing I love Nana.
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4 comments:
Oh man..you just gotta love ya kids and ya nanna....I miss my nanna's candid remarks like that..and I love it when the kids see nothin' but turds and wees and private bits in everything they look at..and they let people know it at the most unreal moments in time!! Outta the mouths of babes and oldies hey?
That medical alert bracelet is an awesome thing. I bought my nanna a necklace that was the medi alert kind. Cost me less than 50 dollars (Aussie). It is very very helpful for us nurses and the ambulance officers when someone collapses...the care plan can be immediately instigated at the point of reading the medi-alert record on the patient. Make sure you all get one :)
LOL! You know, this sounds crazy, but, I totally forgot about bottle rockets being illegal in Oklahoma. Everybody shoots them off, including us, without thinking a thing of it. Oh, Sam, that was good. At least he minds his Mama.
My Grandma, if only we could put her in a nursing home, my Mom and all her siblings would be so much happier. This sounds HORRIBLE, but she's such a PAIN! And she knows it, and she plays on it. Last year when my cousin Terry walked in the front door of her house she said "My gosh, Terry, you're getting so fat! Look at that belly" Poor Terry, I don't think he's been back since. And when my niece, Emily, walked in, Grandma said "Emily...that shirt is ugly. The color is terrible." It was green. It hurt Emily's feelings so bad and made my sister so mad she was sitting there seething the rest of the day. The next Tuesday when my sister went to our Grandma's house, she chewed Grandma up one side and down the other. Only Roni can get away with that.
Kids and old people, you literally can't live with them and you can't live without them.
Cazzie!!!, old people and kids can make you laugh and cry all in the same breath, it seems.
Tater has put off the med alert bracelet all this time, hoping that the Coumadin thing was temporary. She'll be getting hers soon because as it is now, whoever she's with is her talking med alert bracelet.
Stacie, EVERYone shoots bottle rockets illegally and it's not a big deal, but this chick seemed so aghast that Sam had shot off one of those horrid illegal things that I felt I had to cover! LOL Last year we made a trip to Neosho JUST to get bottle rockets!
Nana has always been a big outspoken about Tater's and my asses. We got the big butts from Mom's side, not from Dad's, so I think she just marvels at the sheer size of them more than anything!
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