MONSTER TRUCKS, crying mommy and a new experience

Friday night was the much-anticipated (at least by us) MONSTER TRUCKS and truck pulls at the fairgrounds. We had a plan this year.

With all of the recent rain and subsequent flooding, we knew parking would be scarce and the parking that was to be had would be muddy, so Mom met me at the one paved parking lot across from the fairgrounds, picked the kids and I up and took us back to her house. Whoo hoo, we got a parking spot on the front row, facing out! No hassling with that pesky redneck traffic for us, by golly. Mr. Diva drove to Mom's when he got off work. After dinner at Mom's she took us back down there and dropped us off nearly a full hour before the show was to start. We still had to sit in the nosebleeds. I gotta say, the rednecks around here sure know how to get around early enough to get the good seats at a MONSTER TRUCKS show.

Friday night was TotOne's dance recital and TotTwo wasn't really all that excited about attending, so Tater asked if he could go with us. Now, my sister and her family just aren't as redneck as we are. In fact, they really aren't redneck at all. But hey, if the boy wanted to go who was I to say no? I'm all about exposin' them young'uns early and all. We met up with Chandler and his parents and saved them seats. They really aren't redneck either, but Chan is a little boy obsessed with trucks, so it was only natural that they attend.

And I just have to say that the diva in me was forcing her way through because in getting ready for the evening, while I did abandon my new lavender beaded chunk heeled flip flops and go with the more sensible and much warmer New Balance sneaks , I simply could not go without dangly earrings and lip gloss. Do you see why I'm called Redneck Diva? It's a constant struggle. Even when I drove demolition two years ago I wore lip gloss and large hoop earrings, only removing the earrings because they got in the way of my helmet. What can I say?

So the MONSTER TRUCKS were awesome. They had six there this year - two more whole trucks than last year. One driver is a hometown boy that we got to know when we went to the Ft. Smith races and worked pit a few years ago. He did fairly well for a young'un. One truck's whole back axle just completely came off. The safety guys rolled his back two wheels right out of the arena. My favorite event of the night was the Tough Trucks. We know several of the pro drivers. Now, when I say "pro" drivers, I mean the guys who actually do this for the purpose of winning the events, not the guys who just drive in their tricked out Ford Ranger or worse, an old station wagon that they bought for $150 and spray painted on the sides and hood. These pro hometown guys have professional paint and body jobs and know their trucks. One guy from up in Missouri rolled his truck on the first turn. Is it cliche if I say "the crowd went wild"? First time he had driven the truck, too. So for the second heat he drove in it without a body. No fiberglass, just metal and roll bars. Talk about dedication.

I am completely a huge screaming fan of tractor pulls. Few things give me more satisfaction than yelling FULL PULL when they make it all the way. Imagine my disappointment when I found out that there were no tractor pulls, but instead truck pulls. They sucked. The tractors, when they wind up they are ear-splitting and mega exciting. The trucks, eh, they just blew big clouds of black diesel smoke all over the place. Poo. It was bor-ring.

The main event, the thing that was shouted over and over on the commercials, the thing that made cars driving by the fairgrounds slow down to a crawl was DRACO THE DRAGONATOR. Basically a car eating crane draped in shimmery scales with a fire-breathing dragon head on top. But the boys loved it. My non-redneck nephew, had sat up to that point counting the metal bars in the bleachers, cleaned under his fingernails, picked his nose and hummed every song he has learned in Kindergarten, but when Draco came out he was stock-still and entranced. He and Sam I don't think breathed the entire time the dragonator "ate" a car. Whoo hoo good times for 6 and 7 year old little boys. Chandler was quiet and stock-still, too, but I guess he didn't like it and it kind of scared him. I give him a few years and he'll be entranced, too.

We left a little early, halfway through the free-style MONSTER TRUCK exhibition where they show off like motorized peacocks with large wheels, preening for a crowd of redneck patrons all dying to see them climb over a schoolbus. I'm not sure that was a really good analogy, but I think you get the picture. You don't? Well, shit. Anyway....

It was a pretty decent evening. The kids were exhausted, but not too tired to get a frozen custard afterwards, although Kady did fall asleep and drip melty custard all over her carseat on the way home.

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Saturday night we went out to Mr. Diva's middle brother's house and had a barbecue. I wasn't really looking all that forward to it because well, his family is just not a real talkative bunch. I think I scare them with all of the words that come out of my face. They are completely content to sit in lawn chairs and stare at the ground, emitting the occasional grunted question and waiting for a one-syllable grunt reply. Don't get me wrong, they're good people, just not talkative people. But we had a good time. I was pleasantly surprised. I have one sister-in-law and I just love her to pieces. She's talkative like me, but she's more content to sit around and be quiet, whereas I just have to talk even if the whole group is staring at me like I've done gone plumb mad. So we visited and watched them play tackle basketball. Yes, tackle basketball. The basketball was flat and they were playing on the grass, so what choice did they have but to tuck the ball under an arm and make a forced run for the basket? Sam got out there and played with all the adults and came home with a pretty good shiner for his effort. His daddy's thumb gave him a decent strawberry under his eye, but had it not been for his daddy's thumb he'd have made contact with another guy's head and probably would've ended up in the ER getting stitches. They were each really intent on getting that ball, obviously.

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Sunday was my annual Bawl My Eyes Out and Secretly Loathe How Insensitive My Husband Can Be Day, otherwise known at Mother's Day. Last year and this year I spent the better part of the day crying. Next year I'm not celebrating Mother's Day. This will be no big change in plans for my husband.

Sunday evening we all went in to Mom's for dinner. She gave me some Bath and Body stuff, $10 for the casino, a card that made me cry and a certificate for 10 consecutive hours of labor by her personally. I love that woman. She is SO cleaning my bathroom during those 10 hours. That is one chore I really, really hate. I got Tater 3 tubes of Super Glue. Well, she never has any, so I picked her up some. We're going together to get Mom a new cell phone since she's still carrying around her Nokia 6150 from oh....2000. It's a wonder the thing still picks up a signal.

Tater, our husbands and I hit the casino while Mom watched the kids. We gambled our $5 free play just for being mothers and the $10 mom gave us. We all walked out with nothing, but had a good time. Considering I hadn't been in a casino in 13 days it was a welcome visit.

I'm trying to cut back on the gambling because I see myself going completely compulsive with it. I have those compulsive tendencies anyway, what with the alphabetizing of my canned goods and all, but gambling is much more costly than putting your applesauce before your pears. This is my second week sans Ladies' Night and while I miss my Monday nights with Mom and Tater, I am much more rested on Tuesday mornings, I gotta say. And I get to watch Deal or No Deal with my kids and that is always fun. Just hearing Kady yell "NO DEAW!" at the TV 47 times in an hour is worth missing out on $10 free play.

And tonight Mr. Diva and I did something that I'm not sure we've done before in our 13 years of marriage. (No, not that you pervs.) We watched a Presidential address. Hmh. I'm not sure that I'm going to make a habit of that. While it was informative and I feel like I am now caught up on my illegal immigration education, my mind kept wandering and I found myself thinking is Howie going to have to starting asking," ¿Reparto o ningún reparto?"






Note: Ha! I just went back and reverse translated "¿Reparto o ningún reparto?" and it gave me "Distribution or no distribution?" Hmmm... the show would take on a whole new direction if Howie used the same translator I used.