When a stranger calls

The people of Divatown were scared. There was a stranger in their midst and they were scared and full of dread. They'd heard of this stranger and they knew he could be horrible, ruthless and vicious and now he was in their town. The citizens lined up on the sides of the dusty street that ran through town, knowing that the stranger would make his appearance right in the middle of where the people gathered. The women stood with their hands over their mouths, recalling what they'd heard from others - stories of the moaning and groaning he induced. The children hid in their mothers' skirts. Fathers stood with bewildered looks on their faces, wanting to protect their family from this horror, but knowing they were virtually helpless. The town grew quiet. A tumbleweed skipped down the middle of the street. (Cue the shootout music - "oo-ee-oo-ee-ooooo wah wah wah")

There he stood, tall and menacing - Influenza had come to town.

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When Tammy stood on my porch yesterday to drop off the acetaminophen suppositories and declared that CBG had tested positive for THE FLU, my guts just fell out into a steaming pile on my snowy front stoop. Okay, okay, so that might be a slight exaggeration, but dadgummit it's THE FLU!

The girls had gotten sick within about 12 hours of each other, were exhibiting the same symptoms almost in tandem and I'd say it's safe to assume Kady has THE FLU as well. I called the hospital and had them page the provider on call for her PA. I was disheartened when I heard who it was, but tried to speak slowly and use small words so as not to confuse his poor brain. Of course, he was at a basketball game and was a mite distracted anyway. I explained that KD had been exposed to someone who had tested positive and asked what I should do - should I take her to the ER to get tested herself? Or just wait? Or what? He asked if we wanted TamiFlu. HELL YES, we wanted TamiFlu! She was sick, almost as sick as she was the time she got Roseola and her temp got up to 105.1 and was limp as a dishrag, and I wanted her FIXED. He said he'd call her in the script, I thanked him and that was that.

That was around 5:30. After about 15 minutes it hit me to call the pharmacy to check their hours. They closed at 6! And we live 20 minutes out of town when the roads aren't slick. Who knew how long it'd take with the roads icy. So I pushed enough buttons that finally I got to talk to real live Pharmacist who listened to me frantically plead that someone just stay for 5 more minutes while my husband flew to town. When I had finished ranting he calmly said, "Mrs. Diva, I'd be happy to wait for you, except Dr. Doofus hasn't called anything in to me in over an hour." I was near tears. I had a sick baby who needed TamiFlu before her first 24 hours passed, I was sleep-deprived, worried and frustrated! He said if Dr. Doofus called by 6 that he could send the script to Joplin where they have a 24 hour store. It wasn't ideal, but I was desperate. About five minutes later the phone rang again and it was the adorable Pharmacist asking me to tell him again what was wrong with Kady. I told him THE FLU. He said, "Hmh. I wonder why Dr. Doofus called her in ear drops then." ARGH!! I said, "Mr. Adorable Pharmacist, I know it's not your fault in the least but I DON'T WANT EAR DROPS!! I WANT TAMIFLU!!" He laughed and asked, "How did you get hold of the doctor?" And when I told him that I'd paged him through the hospital he said, "I'll call him now." He sounded serious. Adorably serious.

Five minutes later, Adorable Pharmacist called back and said, "Uh, Mrs. Diva? Dr. Doofus just got a little confused, but it's taken care of now and I am holding in my hand some TamiFlu for Kady. How soon can you be here?" "Twenty minutes. THANK YOU!!" I gasped into the phone while I was frantically throwing a coat at Mr. Diva and pushing him out the door. Five minutes after that Adorable Pharmacist called back and said, "What is your husband driving? I'll meet him out front in the parking lot." I will be writing a letter to Walgreens over Adorable Pharmacist. He went above and beyond. They've done this for me twice now - stayed and waited for us when the doc called something in late. I *heart* Walgreens.

I'm just glad Mr. Diva couldn't get his truck started yesterday and didn't go to work. If he had been gone all day yesterday I'd have flipped. Even though he's fairly useless with sick kids, it keeps me centered to have him here for some reason. His boss suggested he drive my van and come on in, but he didn't want to leave me here with no vehicle and a very sick little girl, so he told her thanks but no thanks, he'd pass and stay home.

Kady has run a fever consistently since 8am Saturday. She woke up this morning acting like she felt better, but still running nearly a 102 temp. She'll get up and play awhile, then end up back on the couch exhausted like she's just run a marathon. Her fever's down right this moment, but it hasn't broke yet, as far as I know, so I figure she'll spike back up here after awhile.

CBG is on breathing treatments PLUS an antibiotic for her FLU, plus some other illness. I think they're worried about bronchitis/pneumonia for her. And with good reason. I started KD back on her breathing treatments this morning after 1) hearing her cough like a TB poster child and 2) my dad told me that a side-effect of TamiFlu is bronchitis. Plus, I've heard of tooooooo many people going straight from THE FLU into pneumonia this year (as Hillbilly Mom so wisely warned). It's too shittin' scary, if you ask me. I lamented to my dad this morning that CBG and Kady had both had THE FLU shot. Plus my Papa had one as well, but is battling pneumonia with his one lung and has for two weeks now. Dad said they make this year's FLU shot off of last year's strain. There's been a whole lot of mutatin' goin' on.

Then to make this snowy sick weekend oodles better, my durn washing machine drain froze. Yet, it didn't send me an email stating so or put up a billboard with flashing lights or just simply holler "Hello? I'm fuh-fuh-fuh-rozen!" So yesterday afternoon after Kady had barfed on her blanket I started a load of laundry. And all was well until it drained and shot water 5 feet into the air and alllll over my utility room. As Mr. Diva and I used virtually every towel in the house to mop up the mess, thus creating MORE frickin' laundry, he was grumbling at me for using the washer when I should've known it was obviously going to be frozen. I stopped, flicked a wet washcloth at him and said, "Hey. Shut up and get back to moppin' my floor. I'll make you do housework one way or 'nother, boy."

I have lost so many IQ points these last two days. We watched so many cartoons yesterday that between the two Disney Channels and the two Nicks we watched everything twice and sometimes three times. Then we watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory last night because my mother in law hadn't seen it. She wasn't impressed. I told her if we'd watched the original one with Gene Wilder she'd have liked it more. As it was, she found Johnny Depp disturbing, but then again, so did I.

So today, because of the still-frozen drain and the fact that Mr. Diva got his truck started this morning and had to go to work, I totally had a free day! I couldn't do laundry because of the frozen drain, I couldn't do dishes because the dishwasher drain might have been frozen as well and who'd want to take that chance? So you know what I did? I laid on the couch and listened to my MP3 player all dang day. Well, I did watch some SpongeBob, too.

When Mr. Diva walked in tonight to find the four of us laid out around the living room like the residents of Jonestown, he said, "Gimme your sister's phone number. I gotta get that drain thawed." I guess he didn't like the fact that I hadn't done a flippin' thing all day while he'd been out there freezin' his fanny off. He went down to the Farmette to get a space heater then drove up to the church to meet DivaMom to get a heat lamp and 20 minutes later he took me by the shoulders and gently directed me to the utility room and re-introduced me to my laundry. I hadn't missed it really.

I can tell Kady's feeling better tonight. She's talking incessantly again. Right now she's rambling on enough to make my ears bleed. Here's an excerpt: "So Momma? If Daddy don't wowk and don't get paid and don't pay bills wiw dey frow him in jaiw? 'Cuz dat would be bad. I wouldn't wike jaiw. I bet it stinks. Hey, wook I made a Wah*Mawt wif my Wegos. Wook at the doors. And der's de sign that says 'WaaMawt' because wemembew when the wite was out in the 'ehw' (read: L) and it wasn't Wah*Mawt but WaaMawt? Wemembew dat, Momma? Ooh wook, der's a ponytaiw holdew so if de one in my haiw faws out we can use dis one. Do we have any pickews? (read: pickles)" Oh my gosh, she's back to normal.

Mr. Diva just hollered out here that the kids don't have school tomorrow. There was much jubilation. By them. Not me. Plus, Mr. Diva's off tomorrow as well. I may volunteer to work for the county and help clear the roads.