Someone shoot me full of estrogen, PLEASE

I just realized that I not once this last week mentioned that Sam was chosen to be the crown bearer for basketball Homecoming. I'm not sure what the criteria for it was, but the elementary principal called me and said that the high school had called her to say he'd been chosen. I don't know if the high schoolers stalk the grade schoolers at recess or if they look at test scores or if they just pick their names out of a hat, but I like to think it's because he's so darn cute and adorable. Annoying, yes, but cute as hell.

So the day I found out, when he got off the bus I asked him if his teacher had told him anything. He said she hadn't, so I told him he was the crown bearer and teased that he was walking with his girlfriend, Bailey. He immediately put his hand up and said, "Uh no. She's my ex girlfriend, Mom." Young love is so fickle.

Well, yesterday was the big day and I had to have him dressed up and ready for the pep assembly by 2:15. Tater came down to watch the kids and I headed to the school to get him dressed up. I took CBG with me to deposit in her mother's room, per her mother's request. She wanted to show her off and who could blame her - she's CUTE.

On my way from CBG's mom's room over to Sam's room, I saw Abby lined up with her class on the playground. Right behind her was Chance, her boyfriend. Chance is at least a full head taller than everyone in the class, even Abby who is one of the tallest in the class, so you don't miss him easily. I saw them standing there together and for a brief flash they weren't 9 year olds, they were teenagers. The way she pushed her hair behind her ear when he leaned down to say something quietly to her, the way she grinned and looked up at him - it made my heart do a little flippity floppity thing. But I didn't dwell on it much because I was in a hurry to get Sam dressed and said hi to Abby and Chance and moved on, pushing out thoughts of him picking her up in a real live car, kissing her with his real live hormonally charged lips and other real live horrific thoughts.

I got Sam decked out in courduroys and a sweater vest and Gentry's too-small shoes because we realized in a moment of panic yesterday morning that he didn't have any black dress shoes. and then he and I drove over to the gym. We were early so he and I just sat and talked, kind of shooting the breeze, talking about things that are important to 7 year olds and almost 33 year olds - which is pretty much food, 4-wheelers and Disney World. As time drew closer to the pep assembly I said we needed to move to the row of seats right in the center of the gym so I could take as many obnoxiously close pictures as I wanted and he suddenly changed from my little boy who wanted to meet Buzz Lightyear at Disney World to "Hey Mom, I need to go over there and hang with the guys now." And I watched my little boy in his cousin's too-small shoes strut over to the far side of the gym to stand with "the guys". He approached their little cluster and they all turned to high five him and do that weird guy thing where they smack their knuckles together, which you wouldn't see women do because we'd take off someone's finger with our rings if we did that. I felt my heart doing that little flippity floppity thing again.



In this picture he looks lonely and miserable, but the jock guys had all gone somewhere to probably lift something heavy for someone, so the two guys standing there were the band guy and the drama guy. He had built up more of a rapport with the jockish type guys for some reason.













So I sat there, watching my son from across the gym. I watched his posture change, I watched him smile and laugh with the guys ten years older than him, I watched him get instructions from the teacher organizing the whole thing and he suddenly seemed so little yet so big all at the same time.

Gradually classes started filling the gym and I watched as Gent's class came in, Addison's class came in, then I watched Abby's class file in. There was Abby again with Chance trailing along behind her, little hearts emanating from his eyes and floating dreamily towards my oldest child. And while she certainly appreciates his affection and returns it, it's so totally obvious to me that Chance adores her. Did you see what I just wrote? "Chance adores her". Someone is adoring my little girl!! And I'll admit I teared up a bit.




But the thing that got me the most was when Bailey and Sam started their walk across the gym. They read Bailey's little profile thing and I hadn't filled out Sam's activities and plans for the future on his! I thought that was for the high schoolers and they'd just given the little kids the same form. The teacher in charge said, "Don't worry. I'm sure someone asked him." And sure enough they did.


"Sam's activities are playing video games and working on his yellow belt in karate. When Sam grows up he wants to join the Army and serve his country and protect his family."

Bailey wants to be a rock star and Sam wants to be a soldier. Why couldn't I have gotten the rock star?

I barely heard the collective "Awwww" that the crowd put forth. I was sitting there envisioning my son in olive drab, with a gun over his shoulder, marching in the desert . . . and then the tears began anew.

Yes, I sat in the noisy, crowded gymnasium yesterday during the Homecoming pep assembly and bawled.

I just don't know why they have to grow up.