Can you hear me now?

Yesterday afternoon was our first Brownie meeting of the school year. The five girls I had last year are back again, plus two new first graders. What a great group of girls I have!! We started off in the Brownie Circle and I let them each tell something great or exciting that's happened to them recently. Tater's oldest Tot, TotOne, opted instead to tell us that her dog died. Of course, Rizzie died like 7 months ago, but that's neither here nor there. Mattie told us she'd been to a halter class and all the girls ooh'd and aah'd, even though I'm not sure half of them know what a halter is. Taylor said Girl Scouts was the most exciting thing to happen to her. Her Mom (Hi MagnetSister!) said she'd been driving her nuts about going all week. MaKayla, Magnet Lady's daughter, had written a letter "p" in cursive just that day and was ecstatic over that. Riley told us that TotOne had spent the night with her - back in oh..... July - but she was still excited about it. Kady - our resident Mini Brownie, Brownie Jr. or "my annoying little sister" according to Abby - couldn't think of anything to say because she was too busy dancing for us in the middle of the circle. I can't remember what Abby's exciting tidbit was for the life of me, but I'm sure it was magnificent. Then we went over the Capers chart and strangely, they were all excited about "Wipey" and "Sweepy" even though Sis and I felt sure those would be the ones NO ONE would want to do. Yet everyone was begging to be Wipey and Sweepy next week. (For those of you who have never been to GS camp - Wipey wipes the tables after a meal and Sweepy sweeps up. Pretty unimaginative, but it works.)

Snacks went off without a hitch and everyone stood and watched jealously as Mattie and Riley wiped and sweeped, erm swept. Then we divided into two groups - half of us going off to make Shrinky Dinks and the other half going off to make colored sand bracelets. After crafts we gathered back into the Circle to discuss some upcoming projects, the most exciting being a Troop Campout in my field. They squealed, screamed, hugged each other and a couple had to actually get up and go to the bathroom to pee, they were so excited. If I had said for them to head out to the field right then and there, they'd have gone, no tents or anything.

We also discussed some community service type things and they want to do some kind of toy drive, food basket thing AND they want to adopt an Angel come Christmastime. Keep in mind, we did not prompt them - they came up with all of the ideas on their own. Abby suggested that in addition to buying new toys that maybe they could all clean out their own toyboxes and donate some toys to the Crisis Center for the kids who live in cars.

(Sidenote: "the kids who live in cars". Sis started that one when she was trying to convince her kids to clean out the toyboxes. She told them that there were kids who didn't have toys and nice clothes like they did. TotOne asked where these children lived and Sis, trying to implore upon the hearts of her children, said "Some of them don't even have houses - some of them just live in cars!" Oh well, those two kids cleaned out their toyboxes and even tried to give away their beds, the big screen and the dining room table. Then of course, the next time they saw my kids they had to tell them the horrific tale of children living in cars. The phrase "the kids who live in cars" has just stuck. In fact, when we were having money trouble last year Ab came to me all teary eyed after hearing her daddy and I argue about the bills, threw her arms around my neck and said "But I don't WANT to live in a car!!!!" I held her out at arm's length and said, "Oh honey . . . we won't live in a car. We have a van!")

After we discussed our upcoming projects and events, we decided to play a little "We're goin' to the country" or "Shake it, shake it, shake it" or hell, I have no idea what you call it. Everyone joins hands and one person gets in the middle as the senorita. Everyone walks around the senorita and sings "We're goin' to the country, we're goin' to the fair, to see the senorita with flowers in her hair!" and then you drop hands and start clapping and sing "Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it all you can! Shake it like a milkshake and shake it once again. OH! Rub it to the bottom, rub it to the top. Turn around, turn around, till you make it stop!" And of course, the unfortunate soul in the middle has to shake it all they can, shake it like a milkshake and yes, they even shake it once again. Then after that there is much rubbing it to the bottom and . . . oh my gosh, I just realized how vulgar this game is! Maybe we shouldn't play it at Brownies anymore.

I have been a Brownie leader for a year and a half and we've played the vulgar shaking game the entire time. I played it when I was a Girl Scout and by golly, I must teach the vulgarity to my daughters so that they, too, can pass it along to their depraved children. But during this entire reign of vulgarity, I have yet to actually get in the circle. Oh, they've tried but just as I see them peeking between their fingers as they spin, trying to make sure they point to me when they stop, I grab an unsuspecting girl next to me and shove her in my place. Yeah, it's dirty pool but it keeps me from having to shake it. I never said I played fair.

The boys also played last night and poor little Sam. He's so very, very white. God love 'im, he dances like his daddy. And it's not pretty. Even his shaking looks redneck. But Tater's youngest tot, now THAT kids has some moves. Granted, they are dorky moves, but they's some moves nonetheless. He got in that circle, held his hands out in front of him, balled into fists, and began rubbing them up and down, like he was trying to rub a stain out of a shirt. He squatted nearly all the way to the ground, stuck his tongue out and ruuuuuuubbbbbbed till I thought he was either going to pass out or just go on into a full-on seizure.

-----------------------

After the kids were in bed, I drove into town, using up precious gasoline to get there in hopes that I would indeed win big at the casino. I went to Mom's/Sis' to wait for Bub to get there so we could go visit the large hairy mammal we call The Buffalo. Sis was finishing up TotOne's homework with her and Sis was frustrated. TotOne has a really bad tendency to dawdle with her homework and intentionally do it wrong, thus dragging it out for hours and hours until Sis is ready to gouge out her own eyeballs with unsharpened pencils and then sell the child to a wandering band of gypsies. Mom and I visited and played with the kitten (Buh-londie as TotOne calls her) until the gnashing of teeth and wailing that is homework was done. Sis hollered at TotOne like four times once to get her to come into Mom's room and Mom made the comment that she was worried about the child's hearing. She has a tendency towards a nasty wax buildup and that will, indeed, limit one's hearing. So Sis got a bobby pin to clean out the ooginess.

NOW, BEFORE anyone has a coronary about this, it's not like she goes for the child's brain with the bobby pin or anything. She just uses it to scrape out the goo close to the opening. It's done with a steady hand and a flashlight.

I was holding the flashlight and Mom was holding TotOne's arms, the cat was hiding under the bed because the screeching was scaring the piss out of her, when Sis said, "What is THAT?" We all of course crowded around her little blonde head to inspect her ear canal and then we all went "WHAT IS THAT???" It was white and round and obscuring her ear drum. No, it wasn't a Qtip tip. We all asked her if she'd stuck anything in her ear and she vehemently denied. Then her little brother came in and said he wanted to look. He looked and said, "Hmh. Looks like the inside of a cap. From my cap gun. Yeah. You know she stuck one in her ear awhile back." We all just stared at him. He shrugged and was like "What? She did! It came out pretty easy. Even outta my ear."

So this morning TotOne and Sis made a trip to the clinic where the PA tried valiantly to remove the object three times before she gave up and said, "Well, little lady. You now get to see the ear, nose and throat doctor." Sis said she was actually glad because Dr. Allen is so thorough that if she voices concern over TotOne's hearing he'll definitely check her out well. He's a great doctor.

Sis put TotOne on the phone to tell me about the visit. She said, "Hi Aunt Kiki! Okay, so I got two My Little Pony stickers, TWO suckers and a wooly mammoth." I thought maybe my hearing was off a little bit. I said, "A wooly mammoth, eh? Is it a stuffed wooly mammoth?" She sighed dramatically and said, "It's a wooly mammoth. Of course it's stuffed." I voiced my admiration for such a cuddly toy as a wooly mammoth. Then she said, "Yeah and I named it Brownie." I said, "Ohhh because you're a Brownie, right?" Again the deep sigh. "No, Aunt Kiki. Because it's brown."

Well, duh.