I posted this on my Tripod blog back in October last year:
"Okay, first of all take a look at what I found in my bedroom floor this morning: Now I'm not sure yet as to whether one of the kids was playing with it last night and it just got left there or whether a certain husband that I live with planted the reptilian decoy to scare his charming, albeit a little edgy, wife. I will find out, though. Trust me on this one. For those of you who are just joining in on my adventures, there is a lizard living in my bedroom somewhere. No, he's not a pet, he just decided to take up residence here. I do not like the lizard. I actually can say I loathe the lizard. He's harmless, but still...it's a freaking LIZARD people! I have set out numerous sticky traps, but he's obviously a smart lizard and won't go near 'em. So anyway, I discovered the fake lizard belly-up this morning when I....btw, have I mentioned before that I am a clutz? Keep this fact in mind while you read... Okay, so I'm walking from my bedroom to the utility room and on the way I had to walk by a box that was covered in wire hangers (I've been cleaning out closets). As I walked by, the hem of my nightshirt caught on one of these hangers, thereby causing the kerfuffle. Imagine, if you will, me walking along, dragging a growing chain of wire hangers with my nightshirt. Have you ever put scotch tape on a cat's paws and watched them have a seizure as they try to flick it off? Well, that's kind of what I'm sure I looked like this morning, shaking my leg and trying to release the offending damn hangers. FInally I got it to let go and as I bent down to gather up the mess my eyes locked on the stupid plastic lizard. Oh the screaming. Almost as loud as when I first discovered the real lizard - you know, the time he actually ended up under one of my bare feet and we were formally introduced. Yeah, that time. Of course, upon further investigation I realized he wasn't real, but still...agh, I hate lizards.
"And you know when I grabbed the camera to take a picture I thought, 'Ya know...what if he really is real and only sleeping or possibly playing lizard-possum and the flash of the camera wakes him up?'
"Well, I'll just answer my own question... You would have ended up reading a story about a lizard that drowned in pee.
"That, friends and neighbors, is the truth."
Looks as if we all have our demons.
7 comments:
I bet the lizard was promptly eaten by the family of horribly vile snakes that seem to frequent your house.
Sleep tight!
Lizards!!! yuck!! We seem to have mice that frequent our home. There is a rental house on the other side of our yard (our house is on one lot and our yard is the adjoining lot) and everytime someone moves in that freakin' house we get mice, everytime they move out we get mice!!! I hate mice! And it's really embarrassing to have people over and a mouse trap snap!!!!
Lizards and mice and snakes, OH MY, Lizards and mice and snakes, OH MY! Lizards and mice and snakes, OH MY, Lizards and mice and snakes, OH MY! Lizards and mice and snakes, OH MY, Lizards and mice and snakes, OH MY! Lizards and mice and snakes, OH MY, Lizards and mice and snakes, OH MY! What was I talking about? Nevermind.....
Mrs.Coach-I saw the lizard once more after our formal introduction last year and haven't seen him since. Either the family of snakes got 'im or the mice had something to do with it.
IrishDivinity-I hate mice, too!! We keep traps set all the time because sooner or later one will get hungry and then die at the hands of my mouse trap. Er...okay, so mouse traps don't have hands. You know what I meant.
Of course, my mother in law says I would catch more mice if I actually swept my kitchen floor and cleaned up some of the crumbs that the mice are obviously flourishing on. I can't tell you how many times she's told me that if I'd just sweep I wouldn't have mice anymore. Yeesh.
April-I have no idea - what were you talking about?
I'll trade ya. I woke up at 3 am to find a 3 foot snake lying on top of my window unit airconditioner (about 2 feet from my head). Talk about an instant heart attack. I ran up front to grab some tongs, and by the time I got back (mere seconds)he had slithered his damn body into a small hole in the baseboard. Fortunatly I SAW where he went, cuz if'n I hadn't, I'd have NEVER slept again!
You need someone like me to take care of the creepy crawlies in the house. I'm not afraid of any critters, as long as their numbers are low. One spider, fine. Five spiders, fine. 100 spiders, I'm sure they are coming after me in my sleep.
Jewelsruls-OMG. Oh I'd be stuffing poison, and razor blades into the baseboards. EW EW EW EW EW
Sam- One is enough to send me into freaking spasms of terror. You are such a stud-ette, girl.
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