Gout Disclaimer

My darling sister (Taterbug) mentioned that I have Gout.

Okay, I think I have Gout. I could have Gout. I have been told by an RN (my father) that it looks like Gout. But a medical professional's diagnosis of Gout has yet to be made. It helps if you actually SEE a medical professional to get that diagnosis. I have yet to see a medical professional. Or a government-paid employee of Indian Health Services, either. I'd rather see an actual medical professional, but it looks like government-paid Indian Health Services is going to win. Anyway...

So I could possibly NOT have Gout.

Here's what WebMD has to say:

"Gout is a form of arthritis (an inflammation of the joints) that causes sudden, severe attacks of pain, tenderness, redness, warmth and swelling (inflammation) in some joints. It usually affects one joint at a time. The large toe is most often affected, but gout also can affect other joints in the leg (knee, ankle, and foot) and, less often, joints in the arm (hand, wrist, and elbow). The fingers are rarely involved and the spine is almost never affected."

Okay, I have the inflammation. Oh gosh, do I have inflammation. My foot looks like it's been inflated with an air compressor. In fact, a friend was over the other night for a Brownie thing, and she goes "What is WRONG with your foot?" I laughed and said, "Oh it's just my Gout." She made a nasty face and said, "Ugh. Well, whatever it is, it looks nasty." It really does look nasty. It's probably twice the size of my other foot. And THANK GOD it's not in my tattooed foot. That would be one bloated rose. Bleh. But you know my family, we joke through trials and tribulations and obviously, Gout. We've made quite a big joke that Gout is responsible for everything wrong in this world right now. World hunger? Gout. Budget deficit? Gout. AIDS epidemic? Someone has Gout. One of the kids fell down and skinned their knee? Gout. Our hay field only made 17 bales this year? Damn Gout.

But the inflammation I have in my foot really doesn't strike me as actual joint inflammation. I looks more like how my feet swelled in the 9th month of pregnancy. That puffy, swollen, achey, nasty inflammation that looks like if you poked it with a pin you'd spring forth a geyser of saline. (Iew, that was gross.) But it's only one foot, so I don't think it's just edema due to pregnancy-like water retention. Granted, my joints are sore, don't get me wrong there. They hurt like hell. But then, how could my joints NOT be sore when the tissue surrounding them (aka my ENTIRE FREAKING FOOT) is swollen and makes it rather hard to move said joint.

My mother says it's NOT Gout, but then again, remember my father said I have Gout. Naturally she's going to disagree. She says that her right foot swells for no apparent reason and has for years. Then she pats me on the leg and says "It's a fat thing." Great.

I just did a Google image search. Most of the pictures of distended, gouty joints look NOTHING like my foot. Then I found a picture of a foot that looks exactly like my foot. Great. This just gets better and better. I almost wish it really was "a fat thing", as Mom said. Because we are starting our hard-core, weight-loss life change tomorrow. If it's a fat thing, I'm going to just not be (as) fat anymore. But if it's really Gout....well, I hear there's no cure for that.

So now to the actual disclaimer: My sister said that I said that Gout is "a fat thing". Gout is obviously not "a fat thing". Fat is "a fat thing". So to all of you skinny people out there who have Gout, please do not hate me. Or my sister. She's young and was just excited at the power she held in her hand while she was blogging. Plus, she goes by the nickname "Taterbug". You gotta give her some allowance for that.