All quiet on the western front

I haven't a clue if it's quiet out west or not - I'm in the house and that's where I'm going to stay. I just couldn't think of a catchy title.

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To all you mommies out there - I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day!

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I have only had two really bad Mother's Days in my time as a mom. Yesterday tied with the previous title holder. The first worst one was the first Mother's Day after we lost the baby. Since I had no baby to hold in my arms, no one wanted to recognize the fact that I was a mother. It was heartbreaking and I cried the entire day.

Yesterday was not quite as heartbreaking, even though I got my feelings hurt, but I still cried all day nonetheless.

Caution! Venting and ranting ahead:
Ya know, when there is a gift-giving event coming up that requires our children present their father with a gift, I plan ahead. It's not that hard to do, it's just a little bit of extra thought put into the gift and then the planning ahead of getting the children to the store to purchase the well thought out gift. Last week I told Paul, "You know, Mother's Day is next Sunday. I'm not begging for gifts, mind you, but the kids have mentioned more than once that they haven't bought me anything yet. You might want to get on that." A nod and a grunt was the reply. So about every other day, I'd remind again. The kids were nearly in a panic because they had nothing for their momma! So Saturday he still hadn't bought anything and had no clue as to what he might buy anyway. We got back to Mom's from the nursing home around 9:30 and he wanted to go home. I stopped him dead in his tracks and said, "Oh no no no, bucko. You are loading up your children and you are taking them to Wal*Mart to pick out some presents." He said, "Well, I thought you'd just go with us and pick out what you want." Now, maybe I'm wrong, but how much fun do you think it'd be to buy your mom a present if she were standing right there putting it in the cart for you? I mean, Mom and I do this a lot now, but I'm an adult. My children are not. They are still caught up in the magic of gift-giving and the surprise of it all. I quickly scribbled down a few things I wanted: some CD's, a DVD, etc. So my Mom, being the benevolent and kind Grammy that she is and given the fact that she could see a fight brewing, went with them to Wal*Mart. Although I think she went to the other side of the store because she's usually better at gift-buying than what occured.

Now, when I take the kids to buy things for their daddy I always kind of know ahead of time what we're looking for. I always have more than one thing picked out and then I gently direct the children. This way I know he is getting what he wants/needs, yet the children thing they have done some big thing by buying daddy a nose hair trimmer all by themselves. I think I do a pretty good job of making sure all those involved are happy - the kids shop and the dad gets cool presents. But for gift-giving events for me the dad turns them loose and the mom gets off the wall stuff and the children get their feelings hurt when the mom doesn't wear the humming bird (yellow gold nonetheless) necklace. Yep, that was Christmas before last. See the trend here?

Keeping this in mind, if you actually KNOW the woman you are married to, the mother of your three children, the woman you have spent twelve freaking years with, you'd know that she does not wear necklaces. You'd also know that she does not wear yellow gold - only white. You'd also know that pretty much any jewelry she wears consists of silver hoop earrings and you can get them off the spinny rack things in the jewelry department and you don't even need to go near the actual cases where they keep the "good" jewelry.

So what did my children walk out of Wal*Mart with, but two yellow gold necklaces and a yellow gold Eeyore charm.

Please don't send me hate mail about being ingrateful, because I love the fact that my children picked them out all by themselves. I was touched that Kady picked out one with a lady bug on it because momma has a ladybug tattoo (Ooh that was a white trash statement if I ever saw one.) Abby's said "Mom" on it because, well...I'm her mom. And Sam picked out the Eeyore charm because he knows I do have a thing for the sad little donkey. But I won't wear them. Let me rephrase them - I will wear them, but it's going to take some retraining to remember to put on a necklace now. And dutifully yesterday morning I went to put on the ladybug necklace only to find that the chain is short and I have a bit of an issue with necklaces because I don't like feeling like I have something choking me. There was no way I could wear it. No way. I'd have clawed my neck off before we left the house. So I explained to the kids that I was going to have to get a longer chain before I could wear them.

Now, being the tightwad my husband is, don't you think he should've just gone with the DVD and CD's I wanted and would actually use? If you're going to spend nearly a hundred bucks on someone, it is my opinion that you get that person what they want. Whether it's what you want them to have or not. Like for Father's Day, I already know that he is getting a nose hair trimmer and saw horses. I have paid attention and actually listened when he said "Hey, I would really like .... ". I'm not going to let the kids pick out a food dehydrator and sandals just because they want to. I'll tell them I heard Daddy wants sawhorses and they will blaze a trail through Ken's Farm and Home to find them. And I'll say, "Daddy has long nose hairs that disgust Mommy and Daddy knows they disgust Mommy, so let's get him something to take care of that, okay?" And they are going to fight over who gets to carry it through the store. It's not rocket surgery. It's manipulation, plain and simple. *insert evil scientist laugh here*

I know, I know...I sound awful. Simply awful. Please don't think I'm a horrible person.

And that's not even the reason I cried all day yesterday! I wouldn't spend my day crying over gifts, trust me. I just needed to vent about my husband. And now, I'm going to vent some more.

When we got home Saturday night from Wal*Mart after he took the kids shopping, he wanted to show me what they picked out. I immediately turned my back and said, "You put those up right now, Paul Hoover! I refuse to let you spoil a surprise. Oh holy crap, you didn't let them pick out jewelry did you??" He goes, "Yeah, I just turned 'em loose. I didn't know what to get you." (THE LIST! THE LIST IN YOUR POCKET, YOU MORON!) I said, "Turning them loose is one thing, but honey, I'm going to just about bet that what is in those boxes is necklaces and they are yellow gold, am I right?" He goes, "Yeah? Oh great, you're going to gripe about the presents aren't you?" So I sat down and calmly explained the whole "gently directing and guiding" theory I have when you take children shopping. Especially redneck children. They are just genetically horrible shoppers. Well, he jumped on the defensive and called me a name and threw the boxes and it was nasty.

So in tears I tried to calmly explain that I would love whatever the kids got me, but it was a ridiculous thing for HIM to not even know what I like or want or need. I tried to say it nicely that he was a selfish, ignorant, uncaring dooder head, I really did. But the more he yelled, the more I yelled. I finally grabbed my emergency pack of cigarettes (which has been used way more often than usual lately) and went outside. I sat on my front porch and smoked and cried and pet the dog and cried and smoked and cried, cried, cried. I cried a lot. The dog was dumbfounded and more than a little concerned. He sat there with his big black head in my lap and whimpered pitifully. I cried for all the crappy crap that had gone on all week, I cried for Nana, I cried for me, I cried over regrets regarding Nana and my Memaw, I cried because I cannot believe I married such a jerk, I cried because my children are shopping challenged, I cried because I have an ingrown toenail and it really hurts. I just plain cried.

By the time I had calmed down I was cold, my butt was asleep and I was covered in dog hair. I was going to go in and apologize for griping about the shopping excursion, but he was snoring in the recliner. I looked at the clock and I had been out there an hour. So I went to bed. Without him. Again. For the eighth night in a row.

Sunday morning I woke up at nearly 10am. I was shocked that I had slept that long and no one had even been in my room. I went up front and the kids were piled up on the couch watching TV, my gifts were laid out on the ottoman and my husband was nowhere to be found. Upon seeing me, the kids went scrambling to get my gifts and retrieve their daddy from outside where he was working on that playhouse that I have come to loathe with every fiber in my existence. I opened my gifts, thanked the kids and snuggled with them. He said not a word. After about 5 minutes he got up and went back outside. Not a word, people. He stayed outside while I bathed the kids and got them ready, got ready myself while refereeing fights then he came in right before time to leave, making us late when he had to change clothes because he was covered in sawdust from working on the evil playhouse from Hades. By the time we got to Mom's he still hadn't spoken to me. I cried most of the way to town.

Mom made a spectacular lunch, then we got around and went to visit Nana. When we got back we needed to load up a loveseat for her because she's worried that visitors have no place to sit. I also asked Paul if I could go with Mom and Sis to Buffalo Run because they were giving away $5 to all mothers (I'm not sure how they were going to get proof of motherhood unless they were asking to see episiotomy scars and saggy boobs) and even though I didn't want to gamble I just wanted to be with them. He told me to stop being selfish and how could I even ask him to watch the kids when I knew he had things to do on the playhouse. I said, "Uhhm, it's Mother's Day. Could I at least do something I want to do?" He blew up right in front of my brother in law, sister, niece and nephew not to mention our children and everyone that lives on Mom's street, including my uncle and grandparents. Ach. It was a nasty nasty scene. He said that because I had forced him to come into town to see MY family, he hadn't gotten to call HIS mother. So I said for him to call her and handed him the call phone. He wouldn't take it. I asked him if quite possibly Mark's (the playhouse guy) wife might want a little attention on Mother's Day and could he call and tell him not to come and we could spend the rest of the day together. He said no. Flat out no. So I asked if he didn't want to spend time with me, could I at least go out with Mom and Sis and one of Sis' friends. No again. I called him a really nasty name. My sister gasped. Not at the fact that I called him that, she gasped because I said it really loud in Mom's front yard. I was a little angry.

He had Bub drive him home while Sis and I took Nana the loveseat. He did not take the kids.

He stayed outside till dark last night. I put the kids in bed around 8 and cleaned the bathroom until I was so tired I could've dropped where I stood. I sat on the couch, with full control of the remote and forced him to watch what I wanted to watch. I could tell he wanted some SpikeTV, Discovery or TLC (and I do mean the TV channel) but I wouldn't have cared if Saturday Night Fever was playing on ABC, I wasn't about to turn that satellite on. Ha. I showed him. He fell asleep. Boy I proved my point.

Last night was the first night he slept in our bed in 8 nights. I nearly fell off the bed more than once throughout the night because I stayed as far away from his as possible. He even had the audacity to try and spoon with me. I kicked him. Fortunately he was asleep. Else I'd be sporting a black eye today, lol. But man, it felt good to kick that dooder head.

It's Ladies' Night at the Big Fancy Casino and even though I swore off gambling for awhile, I am tempted to call a sitter and go anyway. Just to make him mad. Gosh, I am immature sometimes.

Oh and on the way home from town, I called his mother from my cell phone. He was in such an all fire hurry to get home and call his momma, yet when I talked to her she hadn't heard from him. I SO scored points for calling her first yesterday. Ha!